It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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