i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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