There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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