Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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