why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
