I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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