I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
