Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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