Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
