There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
