I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize