The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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