how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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