Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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