my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
