Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize