and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
