She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
