You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
