I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
