i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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