The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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