I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
