I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
