How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
