what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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