my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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