That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
