he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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