Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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