if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
