I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
