The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Do vagina's smell?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have fence marks all over my body
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
