I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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