now i know why i became what i already was.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You left your phone here
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