New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
