My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
