I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
