I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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