I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
