He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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