Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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