It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
