The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You can't motorboat a personality
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
