May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
