i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize