i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
