I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
