I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
