Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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