then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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