Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
