Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
