if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
