He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
