So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize