Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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