You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
