I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
