you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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