you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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