I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
