im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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