I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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