im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
