Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
