In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize